IELTSライティング対策┃タスク1＆2の解答例から学ぶ

1. Task Achievement：質問にきちんと答えているか
2. Coherence and Cohesion：論理的であるか
3. Lexical Resources：語彙
4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy：文法の複雑さと正確性

1. すべてのポイントがカバーされている
2. 文法のミスがあまり見受けられない
3. 自分の主張が明確に述べられており、しっかりと裏付けされている
4. リンキングワードや接続詞を適切に使えている
5. 論理的に話が展開されていて、内容にまとまりがある
6. 少々の間違いがあるが、アカデミックな語彙を十分に取り入れている
7. 複合文や重複文が使用されている
8. 分野別用語を使用しており（Topic-specific words）、曖昧な表現が少ない（things, matters, good, stuff）

1. イントロ（問題文の書き換え）
2. 概要（目立つ特徴を述べる）
3. 詳細１（数字を必ず入れる）
4. 詳細２（比較級を使う）

The graph compare employment rates in three sectors of the economy, in the UK, 2000-2010.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

1.イントロ（問題文の書き換え）

The graph gives information about the percentage of people who were employed in three different areas of the economy in the UK, over a ten-year period starting in 2000.

2. 概要（目立つ特徴を述べる）

Overall, there was a significant downward trend in the percentage of people employed in the private sector, while the figures for the public sector and self-employed people shows a similar upward trend. 

3.詳細1（数値を必ず入れる）

In more details of the private sector, the percentage started at just under 50% in 2000, and then there was a steady fall to about 28% in 2008. Having fallen sharply to roughly 21% in the following year, the percentage then levelled off at the end of the given years.

4.詳細2（数値を必ず入れる）

If we look at the rest of the statistical data, the percentage of self-employed people began at around 18% in 2000, which was the lowest proportion of the three sectors. There was a slight dip between 2002 and 2005, after which the percentage rose steadily year on year , finishing at 30%. The figure in the public sector, in the contrast, remained stable at 38% in the first three years of the decade, but then there was a marked rise to 48% in 2004. Despite going down slightly in 2006, a gradual increase can be observed and the proportion hit a peak of over 50% in 2010.

(215 words) 

• give information on：show や illustrate の書き換え表現として有効です。
• there is a downward trend an upward trend：「下落傾向がある（上昇傾向にある）」という表現で、全体的に下がり気味（上がり気味）の棒線グラフに使える便利な表現です。
• start at A：Aから始まるという表現です。後ろに数字を置くことができ、start at 50%「50％から始まる」のように使えます。
• having fallen sharply to：こちらは分詞構文を使った表現に完了形を用いています。「～してしまった後」という意味ですが、主語が後ろの文と一致しているため、主語が抜けて、最初の動詞をing形にします。
• level off (level out)：「横ばいになる」という意味で使用します。
• at the end of the given years：取り上げられている年の終わりごろにという表現で、具体的な年号を言及せずに表現することができます。
• if we look at A：「Aを見てみると」という表現は段落の始めに使うと便利です。
• A, after which B：関係代名詞を使った非限定表現で、「Aの後Ｂ」という意味になります。
• year on year：副詞もしくは形容詞として使用でき、「前年（同期）比で」という意味になります。
• remain stable：「安定した状態を保っている」という表現で、数値があまり変わらない時に使用できます。
• A can be observed (A can be seen)：「Aと見受けられる」「Aと観察しうる」という表現です。Aには無生物主語が入り、例えば ”decrease can be seen”「下落がみられる」のように使用できます。
• hit a peak：「ピーク（頂点）に達する」という表現で、グラフで一番高い点を説明する時に使います。

The diagram below shows how tomato ketchup is made commercially. 
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

1.イントロ（問題文の書き換え）

The given pictures demonstrate the way of making tomato ketchup step by step.

2. 概要（目立つ特徴を述べる）

Overall, there are 15 phases in the process to manufacture a bottle of ketchup.

3.詳細1（ステップバイステップで説明）

First of all, tomatoes are picked up from a farm and put in baskets.  Then, only good tomatoes are selected from the ones that have been picked. After being sent to a factory, the tomatoes will have a removal process in order to get rid of stalks, seeds, skins. Having been collected into containers, the processed tomatoes are crushed and turned into liquid. Following this process, sugar, salt and vinegar are added to be boiled together.

4.詳細2（残りのステップの説明）

After being left for two hours, the tomato liquid is poured into tomato ketchup bottles and labelled as polished products. The next step is, to ensure the product quality, inspectors check all their products and only the selected bottles are packed and delivered to supermarkets. Finally, the customers enjoy the tomato ketchup with the foods of their choice.

(160 words) 

• first of all：「まずは始めに」と、最初の手順を促す用語です。
• then：「それから」という次の手順を表す言葉ですが、いろんな箇所に使っていくことが出来ます。使い過ぎに注意しましょう。
•  after being ＋過去分詞：「～された後」という受動態です。主語を抜かしている理由は、後ろの文の主語と一致しているからです。接続詞の後に動詞を直接持ってくる場合は、動詞を必ず ing 形にします。
• having been +過去分詞形：図表の解析でも取り上げた分詞構文を使用した表現です。完了形を用いて「～した後」という意味になります。
• following this process：”then” などの代わりとして使うことができ、「このプロセスに続いて（このプロセスの後）」という意味を表します。
• the next step is：「次のステップは」という転換語です。
• finally：「最終的に」「やっと」という重要な転換語です。プロセスの最後に使用します。

The pictures illustrate the changes in Shipsmouth between 1995 and 2010.  
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

1.イントロ（問題文の書き換え）

The diagrams show the changes which took place in the city of Shipsmouth between 1995 and 2010. 

2. 概要（目立つ特徴を述べる）

In general, it is clear that in 1995, the city was quite green and peaceful, but by 2010, it had become much more modern and busier, with new shopping and transport facilities. 

3.詳細1（特徴的な変化を述べる）

One interesting change is that the trees in the north-west of the city were cut down to make way for new apartment blocks. Similarly, the woodland in the south-east of the city was cleared, and an airport was constructed in its place. Another striking development is that a new station was built to the north of the city centre and the railway line was extended to the north as well.

4.詳細2（残りの特徴的な変化を述べる）

If we look at the city centre, by 2010, the main road running through it had been pedestrianized. It is also interesting to note that in the west of the city, there used to be several factories, but these were demolished and replaced by a new shopping centre.  Further developments were the building of new skyscrapers in the east of the city, and the construction of a football stadium in the south. 

(191 words) 

• one interesting change is that：「１つの興味深い変化は….」という意味で、第3段落の最初に用いるといいでしょう。
• make way for A：「Aために更地にする」という表現で、A （新しい建物）のために何かが取り壊された時に用います。
• another striking development is that：他の特徴を表す時に用いて、「別の目立った発展は」という意味を表します。
• if we look at A：第3段落もしくは第4段落の初めに使用して、「Aを見てみると」という意味になります。”If we look at the North of the town, “のように方角を示す言葉とともに使用することができます。
• it is also interesting to note that：「別の興味深いことには〔that以下〕である」という表現で、“Another striking development is that” と同じように使用することができます。
• there used to be A：「A はかつて存在した」という表現で、新しいものに取って代わられる前の建物の存在を言及する時に使用します。

1. イントロ（問題文の言いかえ＆エッセイのプラン）

Although there is no doubt that crime must be punished, it is important to consider which type of penal system is most appropriate. While some believe that a system of fixed sentences would be adopted, I support the view that punishments should be based on motives and circumstances.

2. ボディー1（自分と対立する意見を肯定）

Those who advocate implementing a judicial process of set punishments may argue that this would make criminal trials more efficient. For example, once a jury has decided a particular defendant is guilty of murder, the judge need only refer to the ‘punishment for murder’ to sentence that person to life imprisonment. The benefit of this is that a huge amount of time would be saved in court, thus leading to significant financial savings. As a result, more money could be spent on healthcare, education and welfare.

3. ボディー2（自分の意見）

However, I would argue that the above system is too rigid, and a process of ‘flexible’ punishments is much fairer. The latter punishment system, which many countries use, leaves more room for compassion toward offenders who have been blackmailed or manipulated. For instance, under this system, if a thief is able to prove that he had been bullied into committing his crime, he should be sentenced to less prison time than a thief who had been motivated by greed. If, instead, fixed punishments were implemented, this sense of fairness and morality would be lost.

4.結論（ボディー1と2のまとめ）

In conclusion, although a legal system of fixed punishments might be more cost-effective and efficient, I believe that a procedure of assessing crimes based on circumstances and motives is more just, and justice, in my view, is paramount.

（266 words）

• There is no doubt that：「～は疑いない」という意味で、エッセイの書き出しで事実を述べる時に役立ちます。
• It is important to consider：「～を考慮することは大事なことです」という表現で、課題に対してのある一方の意見を提示する時に役立つ表現です。
• those who adovace …：「…な人は」という関係代名詞を使用した文なので、自然と高度な文法構造の文章に仕上がります。
• as a result：「その結果」というたわいもない表現ですが、論理的に物事を発展させた結果を表すための重要な副詞表現です。
• if, instead, …：「もし、逆に～なら」という仮定法を用いた表現。具体的に物事を展開させるための重要な表現です。

1. イントロ（問題文の言いかえ＆エッセイのプラン）

People in some countries now consider owning a home to be more important than renting one. This essay will discuss the underlying reasons for this preference and elaborate on why it is a negative development.

2. ボディー1（トピックに対する答え1）

There are several reasons for people’s preference for home ownership. First, owning a house or an apartment means that they do not have to waste time on accommodation hunting when a rental contract expires. Therefore, they can just focus on their career goals or other important things, such as marriage. Furthermore, many people nowadays buy a home with a mortgage, and so they know the exact amount of money they owe and also the fixed amount they have to pay monthly. This allows people to make a clear long-term financial plan for the future.

3. ボディー2（トピックに対する答え2）

However, the trend that many people value home ownership over rented accommodation is negative due to the following reasons. While a tenant can easily terminate a rental contract and find a new place if they are not satisfied with their current accommodation, it is very difficult for home owners to do the same. In other words, once a person makes an unwise decision and buys a home that they later regret, they are usually left with only two options: either make the home available for rent or accept living in a place they are not happy with.

4.結論（ボディー1と2のまとめ）

In conclusion, people in some countries now prefer to buy their home because they value stability that owning a home provides and want to have clear future plans. However, unless thorough considerations are made, home owners may have to face undesirable outcomes from such a decision.

• This essay will discuss：「このエッセイは….について議論します。」という意味で、エッセイのプランについてイントロで述べる時に役立ちます。
• There are several reasons for：「の理由はいくつかある」という表現で、ボディーで理由を言う時の書き出しとして便利です。
• due to the following reasons：「以下の理由で」という意味ですのでこちらも理由を後ろに羅列したい時の表現です。
• in other words：「言い換えると」という意味で、論理的な発展上、具体的に言い換える時に使えます。